Hola! Chalupa! Welcome, amigos, to the Legend of Ed Ramos, dedicated to the one and only man who will drive over the Sierra at midnight, just to get to a recycling center.

First, a quick bio on Ed's family:

Ed was the third of four children born into the family of Gonzalo and Alejandra Ramos in 1963. Immigrants from Mexicali, Mexico, Gonzalo has recently retired after many years of hard labor as a farmworker (his efforts saw him promoted to foreman), and Alejandro has now cut back on her hours as a tortilla presser in Manteca. They will soon be moving into their newly purchased home in Adela, California, just north of Oakdale, where they will enjoy the retirement that they so richly deserve after their many years of productive work.

And then the night that everything changed:

While Ed had seemed to live a pretty normal life, that suddenly changed late on Friday, August 10, 1990. Ed had worked a lot of overtime as a construction framer helping build homes in a Modesto tract, and had collected an unusually large paycheck for the week's effort. Feeling pretty good about his accomplishment, Ed drove up Highway 108 into the Sierra foothills and treated himself to a nice steak dinner. A soccer game on the television in the adjacent bar caught Ed's eye, and after eating, he found himself in the company of a somewhat lonely bartender who offered Ed a drink. Ed normally drank nothing but beer, but after some banter about what Ed did and did not like, the bartender made a concoction that Ed found to be fantastic. Before he knew it, he had consumed a number of these drinks and was having difficulty following the soccer game. The bartender was becoming overly friendly, and Ed was starting to have some feelings about the bartender that he really didn't understand, so he left the bar.

The air outside was crisp but very cool. Ed got into his nice 1986 Toyota pickup and started the engine, hoping for some heat. Realizing that the engine would warm up faster if he actually drove the truck, he got back onto the highway. The heater began to work better than Ed's intoxicated brain; confused, he was actually driving east up into the Sierra towards Bridgeport rather than towards his warm bed back in the California's central valley. Just after cresting the summit of Highway 108, Ed misjudged a difficult turn, applied the brakes too late and too hard, and skidded across the road into a big rock. Ed wasn't wearing his seat belt, and he was knocked unconscious as his truck slowly rolled over onto its roof.

The first vehicle upon the scene was that of Steve Striepeke, who was driving his friends David Passmore and Mark Walsh from Sonoma County to Mono Lake for the weekend. It was at this chance meeting near the summit of Highway 108 that the Legend of Ed Ramos was born. Their lives were to be forever changed.

Ed began to regain consciousness as Steve checked his vital signs. Mark checked out Ed's truck to determine that there was no hazard due to leaking fuel, while David stood guard with a flashlight to ensure that any oncoming vehicles would be aware of the accident. After a few minutes, Ed felt clastrophobic in the cab and decided to crawl out. Thanks to the drinks, his motor skills were in poor shape, but he was feeling less pain than he might have otherwise. However, upon attempting to stand up, it was clear that something else was wrong. Ed's right femur had been broken.

Steve said that it would be wiser to wait for another vehicle and to send them for help rather than to have the group part ways. Sometime later, a man in a white Volkswagen Rabbit arrived. He seemed to be a responsible gentleman, and he said that he would find help. Mark checked his watch, it was just after midnight. Meanwhile, Steve found a good spot for Ed to lie down, and David got a sleeping bag out of Steve's car so that Ed would not be too cold. Although Ed's command of the English language was far less than perfect, he could tell that the trio were doing their best to help, and he became cooperative. Mark checked and recorded Ed's vital signs every fifteen minutes.

After an hour had gone by, it was clear that Ed was really starting to get uncomfortable. Just as he seemed to be at ease in placing trust in his newly found friends, he began speaking in broken English. It sounded like he was talking about some pain in his abdomen, but neither David nor Mark could understand him. At one point, his speech became nearly intelligible, and David, standing near Ed's feet, asked, "Uh, Ed, can you elaborate on that?" Suddenly, Ed became enraged, threw off the sleeping bag, and jumped to his feet! As he looked like he was ready to take a swing at David, he belted out, "I've never elaborated in my life!" Mark and Steve calmed him down, but he appeared to only halfway believe their assertions that there had been some misunderstanding. Due to Ed's efforts, he was now in quite a bit of pain.

A lot of time elasped before speculation that the man in the Volkswagen had not gotten help, but after nearly two hours, a California Highway Patrolman arrived. He stated that an ambulance was on its way, and since he could see that Ed was getting good care, he focused on the business of setting road flares, talking on the radio, and beginning his investigation of the accident. After nearly another hour, the ambulance finally arrived.

The ambulance crew appeared to be both very efficient and very professional. They appreciated the fact that Steve, David, and Mark had been diligent in their efforts to make Ed feel comfortable. Mark read his notes on Ed's vital signs to a male nurse who transcribed them onto a notepad while asking more questions about Ed's condition. Just as they were done, David approached and said to Mark, "Hey, you forgot to tell him that Ed said that he's never masturbated in his life!" A huge grin appeared on the nurse's face, and he began to laugh. Concerned about such behavior during a somber event, Mark asked, "Why is that so amusing?" The nurse replied, "I can see that Mister Ramos is going to be just fine. My biggest concern was that of concussion, but we don't have to worry now as serious head injury victims are rarely able to tell a lie."

The California Highway Patrol officer was less jovial. He asked Ed a few questions, and inquired about all of the empty beer cans that were littering the inside of Ed's vehicle. Without any hesitation, Ed stated that he had been on his way to "the recycling place" when the accident occurred. Uh huh, okay. It was nearly three o'clock in the morning, and Ed was sobering up well. However, our trio was getting very tired, so they bid a fond farewell to Ed who gave them a thankful nod as he got into the warm and cozy ambulance. While it was the last time that they would ever see the subject of our legend (despite Mark's efforts at Weird Stuff in Sunnyvale, CA), in their hearts and minds Ed would never be forgotten. The special spot, also known as "Ed's Crash Site," is now the location of various gatherings and rendevous.

After the accident:

As luck would have it, Ed had indeed suffered a head injury which manifested itself in strange ways following the accident. With the help of a friend, he managed to turn the accident into a Workman's Compensation case. That meant the he could stay at home for a while and not worry about having to work. But the changes that had taken place in his brain combined with the inability to leave the house caused him to become obsessively compulsive about giving himself pleasure by his own hand. In time, he had a case of carpal tunnel syndrome so severe that it required surgery. At first, he was so embarrassed about the nature of the problem that when he asked others for advice, he pretended that it was his mother who has having the difficulty: http://www.repetitive-strain.com/wwwboard/messages/576.html. A trusted friend eventually directed Ed to Lighthouse Physical Therapy where the skills of David Burchuk were employed with great success. Ed was soon giving himself pleasure again, and he even gave Mr. Burchuk his own testimonial: http://www.lighthousept.com/testimonials.html.

Once Ed had physically recovered from both the broken leg and the carpal tunnel syndrome, he began to venture out. He took up pig hunting with his friend Michael Lucas, and on one trip, they assisted local authorities in finding some teenagers who had become lost in a watershed area: http://starbulletin.com/97/09/16/news/briefs.html. This adventure stimulated Ed's interest in such endeavors, and he soon found himself working as a game warden: http://www.coastnews.com/c0001.htm. This job required Ed to take some police science and criminal justice classes, and for reasons that he could not explain, his lust for information had him absorbing everything in sight. In wasn't long before Ed's knowledge had surpassed that of his teachers, and he soon found himself working as a police trainer: http://www.rh.cc.ca.us/departments/academic/pubserv/police/septa.htm.

It became evident to Ed that his head injury had actually given him supreme powers of comprehention and retention. Ed did not let up. He flew through an MBA program with such ease, he soon found himself on the lecture circuit: http://www.mbs.umd.edu/organizations/mba-finance/announce1.html. This life began to take its toll on Ed, and he yearned for a more peaceful existence in which he could be a contributor to the greater good of society. Ed returned to school, and soon found himself doing reseach in physics with an emphasis in astronomy. He presented papers: http://asa.aip.org/web2/asa/abstracts/search6/asa353.html and http://www.cordis.lu/tmr/src/grants/chbi/941401.htm, and spent time with the astronomy club on the weekends:

It appeared that Ed had finally found his niche both in his enjoyment of astronomy, and his work in the lab where he enjoyed using his remarkable brain:

But again, fame came along, and Ed's life was no longer relaxed. People were hounding him from every side, and his celebrity status grew, just as it had when he was working as an MBA. Then one day it hit him; he could pass himself off as just another "average Joe." Ed formulated his "escape" more carefully this time, and got a job working on the loading dock of a Sunnyvale, California surplus electronics warehouse known as "Weird Stuff."

Fortunately, Weird Stuff's background check did not reveal Ed's past greatness. His plan worked, and he was diligent to avoid any lapses that might betray his special talents. Once in a while he slipped up, and while couple of the guys on the job were somewhat suspicious, they kept quiet, and Ed was only promoted as far as "Safety Manager" or some such title: http://www.weirdstuff.com/html/weirdstaff.htm.

Ed relished his "normal life," and while on nice days he occasionally had thoughts of returning to the outdoorsy life of general construction, he was content with the safe harbor provided by Weird Stuff. Many of his co-workers were tinkerers, so there was no attention given when employees purchased surplus items at cost and took them home. Eventually, Ed's 'cover' was again blown, so he left Weird Stuff. Rumor has it that he has embarked upon a career in real estate: http://www.edramos.com.

To be continued...