***** Beavis and Butthead Retro-Wax a Chain *****

Butthead: Hey Beavis, get me an empty coffee can.

Beavis:   What'cha up to, Butthead?

Butthead: I'm gonna like lube this chain.

Beavis:   Okay, here ya' go.

(Beavis dumps a quarter full can of coffee into the trash
 and hands Butthead the now empty can.)

Butthead: Somebody's not going to be very happy about that, Beavis.
          Okay, now get me that one pound block of parafin.

(Beavis retrieves the shiny white block of parafin.)

Beavis:   What are you gonna do with this?

Butthead: I'm gonna like melt it in this can on the stove.
          What did'ja think I was gonna do with it, hose breath?

Beavis:   No way corndog, my Mom will hang me if she finds out.

Butthead: Don't worry about it.  See, the wax is melting already,
          no problem!

Beavis:   Hey, like, this is totally retro.  What now, Yogi?

Butthead: We're gonna dip it in.

Beavis:   Ha!  He said "dip it in!"  Ha, ha!

Butthead: No, the chain, you dingle doncus.  Okay, now
          roll it up into a spiral, and bring it over here.
          I'm going to use these large tongs to lower the
          rolled up chain into the molten wax.

Beavis:   No way, the tongs will like get all messed up.

Butthead: We'll melt the wax off of the tongs when were done,
          and nobody will ever know.  Besides, you'll have
          the best lubricated tongs in the whole school,
          so chill out.

Beavis:   Ya, right!  Haha!

(Sound of rolled up chain going into the can.)

Butthead: Hey, see how I just put the rolled up chain into the
          wax without making it splash?  Now we wiggle the
          chain around using the tongs, and the wax will work
          its way through every orifice in the chain rollers.

Beavis:   Orifice!  Work that orifice, oh baby!

Butthead: Calm down you tefloned pickle, the chain's been
          dunked and wiggled for a couple of minutes, and it's
          ready to come out.

Beavis:   Coming out, coming out, the chain is coming out!
          Yippie yi yay, yippie yi yo!

Butthead: Quit playing around, and put some paper towels down
          here next to the stove.  What we're gonna do is grab
          the chain around the opened link with the tongs, lift
          it out of the can, and set it down on the paper towels
          to dry.  Got it?

(Sounds of tearing paper towels.)

Beavis:   Ya, sure thing, I'm ready with the towels, Butthead.

Butthead: Okay, here we go.  Cool, listen to it unspiral as I
          lift it out of the can.  Hey, this thing's really long.
          Whoahoa, bummer, like, my arm is getting really tired.

Beavis:   Aw, come on man, just do it!  Go, go, go!

Butthead: I can't.  How long is this thing?

Beavis:   Well, ah, the box said 118 links when it was new, and
          I took out 6 links, so that's 114, no, wait, I think
          it's like 112 links.

Butthead: Oh, dude, that's 56 inches, I'd have to reach almost
          to the ceiling!  There's no way!

(Butthead lowers the chain back into the can.)

Beavis:   I'll go get the brown stool.

(Beavis disappears.)

Butthead: Huh, huh, he said "brown stool."  Huh, huh.

(Beavis re-appears with a tall stool and sets it down.)

Beavis:   Okay, that should do it.

Butthead: Stand back while I get up on this stupid thing.

Beavis:   Yer the boss, Butthead.

(A grunt is issued as Butthead gets up on the stool.)

Butthead: Oh wow, now the chain's like at my feet.  Bummer!

Beavis:   Coach Riley makes us grab our ankles in P.E. class.

Butthead: Hey, come on, this isn't funny.  Okay, I'll just
          bend down real slow.

(Butthead crouches down.)

Butthead: Okay, now I've got the end of the chain in the tongs.
          It sure looks nice.  Whoa, help, yieee...

(The stool falls one way, Butthead the other, the chain goes
 sideways throwing molten wax *everywhere* that it can go.)

Beavis:   We're dead meat now, Butthead.  Schwagburger, man.

Butthead: (Groan.)  Ohh, my elbow...

(Sound of foot steps approaching, followed by the face of
 a woman who is at first worried.)

Mom:      Are you boys allright in here?  What's been going on?

(Mom's worry becomes realization, and then ...)

***** TO BE CONTINUED *****